Today I'm feeling

I'm feeling awful again today :(

Mum was on the phone again asking why I don't trust her to take the baby out - it's not that I don't trust her, I don't think, I just can't bear to be away from my daughter. I also panic as to how she'll cope if the little one has one of her 'meltdowns'.

Are there any other mums like me around? Please tell me there are!!

She's nearly 4 months old now and I can only leave her for an hour or two with hubby and no one else!

My sister's having a whinge about it too - that they've not been allowed to take the baby out in the pram "to give me a rest". I just wish they'd give me a hand with the housework if they want me to rest! lol

Had a couple of dizzy spells again today too, which didn't help and I've been exhausted - falling asleep whenever I managed to get the little one to take a nap. I was found to have Folic Acid Anaemia when she was about 6 or 7 weeks old. I didn't notice it in the early stages as the first symptoms are tiredness. Show me any new mother who isn't tired! lol

So I didn't notice anything was wrong until I started having dizzy spells - I was so worried that something would happen to the baby if I was to get dizzy while I was carrying her. That's when I really needed some help, but when I did phone around to see what people were up to, they were always busy with something. I guess what I should have done was phoned and said "I need help!", but when someone says they're busy, I don't like to impose, even with my own family.

I guess that's why it's so hard for me to let go now, I've done so long on my own that I don't want to start now!

Also, I've not been well on and off for the last couple of years and I think my family take it with a pinch of salt if I ever say I'm not feeling well. My mother this evening on the phone dismissed it when I'd said I hadn't been well again today, but then went on and on about how my sister had "an awful cold". I wonder sometimes if they think I'm making it up as they never offer any sympathy. Not that I want to be mollycoddled, just an acknowledgement that I'm unwell would be ok.

I feel so useless at the moment, I'm so tired that I don't feel I'm giving the baby the proper attention that she needs. Everyone's saying I should be going to mother and baby groups, taking her swimming etc, but getting her out for a short walk in the pram is about all I can manage at the moment.

Things were getting so much better too, I'd started to feel so much better. I guess I let things slide this week, with feeling better, trying to do too much and not taking care of myself and eating properly. I did also forget to take my folic acid the last few days. Shall see how it goes this week and then go back to the doctor and ask for another blood test. I don't like to hassle the doctor though, as they say it can take up to 4 months to get over folic acid anaemia. Fingers crossed it gets better - this has given me a kick up the bum to try and look after myself more.

I haven't even touched the surface of everything - even with an anonymous diary I can't be fully truthfull! Maybe in time I'll be able to open up fully.

I'm so sorry it's been such a whiny entry today, hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

xxxx

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Miss Anything?
Ouch! - Oct. 11, 2005
Cheekbones - Oct. 09, 2005
Is_This_Wrong? - Oct. 07, 2005
chair? - Oct. 06, 2005
diet - Oct. 05, 2005